The night falls. It was a wonderful day! I am really indebted to each such meaningful day when I could open my mind and learn something new.
It’s a shame that I just wrote one note for Prof.Janssen’s drama lectures. Rightly when I came to know more about drama, the professor is about to leave. And all my grand plans of recording each detail of professor’s in-depth analysis have been aborted. When this semester comes to an end, I keep asking myself: what have I done during this term? I missed a lot of good lectures, I missed a lot of poetry classes, I was almost absent all through the translation course, I diverted all attention to the part-time jobs and applying for part-time jobs…Jesus, It suddenly dawned on me that I really achieved nothing in this term despite sufficient money I earned to afford my living. Money or idealism? Why is it so hard to maintain the balance? I can never have enough courage to plunge into my self to the quest for idealism, nor am I determined enough to make bread-winning my top concern of my life. My life is so shitting contradictory. These days, I become really serious about a tough choice: should I pursue my P.H.D? If I should, how can I make it. This question brings me split headache. To be or not to be~~~
Happily, I got Professor’s recognition on my paper and performance even though I thought I did a lousy job. He gave me rather decent mark on my paper that makes me really feel good about myself. Besides, this afternoon, I went to his office to bother him many questions, thankfully, it was really kind of him to respond each of my superficial questions. I really appreciated his kindness and sincerity and tolerance in taking each student’s request (however shallow it is) really seriously. Later, when I mentioned my ambition of having further study on drama and culture, he was very ready to be helpful. He brought it up that if I need him to write a recommendation letter, he would be pleased to do so. And I believe he meant it. I can’t describe how I truly appreciated all these dumb luck. He said further: because you are smart, you really have your mind at work, you deserve these benefits. It almost made me cry. I really hope I could be really this smart to live up to his praise. Any way, I would be always grateful to him and his appreciation.
Tonight, wow, that’s the big deal. We invited professor to have dinner together. At first, it was a little bit dreadfully awkward since we chatted as usual in Chinese with our Chinese teachers. Gradually, we broke the ice, took photos and enjoyed the meal. After we walked back on campus, I again raised a lot of questions like an idiot knowing nothing. Whatever, I knew he was a real scholar, always prepared to nourish some creative thinking or ability in his students and share what he already knew. That’s the allure of his teaching and the mind—although learned, he remained modest.
After we sent professor and his partner back, we several girls circled Professor Wei for non-stop brainwashing. I always like to be lectured. That’s me, dying for fresh and inspiring ideas. As Prof. Wei said, what she really couldn’t put up with was silliness. I knew I was silly most of the times, I hope I could be what I am—craving for knowledge and enlightenment.
Today, I also watched a very touching and sentimental movie: The Way We Were. I found the heroine Katie is the kind of person I could identify with: she is serious about politics, she fails to take easy, she is always pushing too hard, she is humorless and she is complicated. Hubbell her lover a gaudy prince charming once fell in love with her. They both had a wonderful time. But finally they find out they have incompatible temper and lifestyle. Katie is too serious about everything, she is a true-to-life woman worrier, fighting for freedom, peace and dignity and principles. Instead, Hubbell an escapist, inclined to retreat to his safe ivory tower without reacting to his talents and the issues concerning the nation. They are not the right style for each other. Katie tries hard to make their life merge, but in vain.
“ Katie: I don't have the right style for you do I?
Hubbell: No you don't have the right style.
Katie: I'll Change.
Hubbell: No don't change you're your own girl, you have your own style.
Katie: But then I won't have you. Why can't I have you?
Hubbell: Because you push too hard, every damn Minute. There's no time to ever relax and enjoy living. Everything's to serious to be so serious.
Katie: If I push too hard it's because I want things to be better, I want us to be better, I want you to be better. Sure I make waves you have I mean you have to. And I'll keep making them till your everything you should be and will be. You'll never find anyone as good for you as I am, to believe in you as much as I do or to love you as much.
Hubbell: I know that.
Katie: Well then why?
Hubbell: Do You think if I come back its going to be ok by magic? What's going to changed? What's going to be different? We'll both be wrong, we'll both loose.
Katie: Couldn't we both win? ”
“Katie: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were old? Then we could say we survived all this. Everything thing would be uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young?
Hubbell: Katie, it was never uncomplicated.
Katie: But it was lovely, wasn’t it?”
I think I am sort of Katie girl…..
顶！