I find myself getting lazier day by day. I would secretly drag down some decisions, like I want to pile words upon words to explore something original, or I want to listen more soul music or read more Virginia woolf to absorb more beauty of words, or more ambitious, I want to create my own style of writing, to create something of my own---but the notorious excuse of busyness puts off my intention to thrive on the real meaningful business I am fond of. It is really weird that people complain of the boredom of life without making any changes or difference. Perhaps the temptation of adventure is not strong enough to rid us from the addiction to the idleness. As time advances, we come to appreciate the slow pace, the repetitive pattern of work, the habitual life. We are perfectly aware of the insignificance of the job, the hopeless silence that wraps our life and deafens our senses, the desperate voice inside to crave for a more challenging and creative life. However, we know how much we have to pay for that inner voice: the scratch from the start, the cold and unfeeling stares from your friends, the disruption of the comfort zone, the possible failure we may encounter. The price might be too high. So these intimidating thoughts keep us occupied and make us wince. Life is full of so many contradictions—to do or not to do, to be or not to be, to action or to speak etc. I really hate to waver and waver between. But indecisiveness is really powerful enough to overwhelm and swallow me. Probably, I am not experienced enough to gather all my morale to hit the single aim.
I don’t want Distractions or negotiations, I need Inspiration! I want to create something. Just something I don’t know yet.
