Bleak outlook,bleak mood...
To my careless neglect,this self-design blog almost bankrupted..
To put in a literay expression is,the literary output is so meagre and poor..I was speechless at many times,I don't know how to yell at my clamoring ,unreasonable perplexities and troubles.I suffer from the nightmare everynight,I dreamed of the disastrous outcome of a bliss life.What's the hints.what's the implications I dare no think any more.Just wake up and wipe out every dirts that sticked to my omenous dream..Literature.I was hovering like a bird in the sky of literature ,There is always the hindrance,always the opposing force,always the horror and crisis that awaits and lurks somewhere for a unexpected emergence and destruction.Too much gloomy thoughts on my outlook on the consequence of the exam that set me at odds with the environment even with myself..I was hesitating,swaggering ahead,unstable and cautiously,wearied of the changeless routine and the unwilling scramble for a position of survival the competion.I am haunted with the uncertain future and exhausted with the present.I dare not cast a backward glance on the past,Because it will expose utterly my cowardice and my incapability of handling the present.So what should I do now..I seem to be caught in the web-like tangle,although I repeat the normal study-repose habit,although I singlely walk my owe path,to eat,drink on my own,Yet I can't disguise the loneliness and upsetness that best characterize my current situation.What a crude joke..Winnie says that I hide my personal emotion too deeply sometimes it will creat the probable gap between persons.I know it soberly.But to me,life is full of snobs and hyprocrites.She never knows that how I suffer inward.When I strive for the recognition of someone but usually rejected with some discredits or some sniffs..I once again apprehend too much .I know I can't get rid of the experiences in the first year that I was evaluated incapable .Sometimes.discrepancy of glory and spurn just crop up in a flash,yet the bitter fruit of its happening disturb my inner life..In this way,I was always living in the shady shadow of the bygone days.What's my good old days??
the boy's will is the wind's will~~~
Everyday,people long for a new start.But the sequence of the time can't dislocated.like the technique of the stream of consciousness brings us the sense that complexity and breathe of human psychic state in in a turmoil.past ,present,future are by no means distinct and logic.But in this world,we should always make sense,logic,accurate,appropriate,I can speculate others's reaction,facial expression,response.yet I am unable to interpret the soul under the mask,under the disguise of language,often I can understand but not fully and correctly.Parodoxical life.Contradictory human being/.Mark Twain claimed:damned human race.That's witty remark..isn't it???
I should call a stop now..Numeroud theories of politics are staring at my leisure hours and idleness,the great spirit of communism party are not tolerant of this type of Kaoyan memember.He will acuse of my reckleness and insincerity in attitude towards the exam.As a memeber of socialism country,how could I be so sluggish and irresponsible person in uttering so many disvantageous expressions to attack or to devalue our dear great leadership....Oh ,forgive me .Jesus..God bless everything goes well..my family,my friends.Bring peace and happiness into their life..